Tuesday, April 29, 2008

scabies parasite

My name is Lee, i suffered my first schizophrenic episode when i was seventeen. i was eating at the dinner table and my mother put a spoonful of peas on my plate. i was convinced they were poisoned and my mother was trying to kill me. i pushed her out of her chair and stabbed her three times with a steak knife. i felt a lot better after i had stabbed my mom, but she did not. she had to go to the ER for head trauma and massive blood loss. when she recovered she sent me to a doctor for evaluation. the doctors name was mike robin, and he had a grey mustache. he diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia. doctor robin gave me a prescription for medication. i threw away the paper and did not get the pills. when my parents asked me if i had gotten the medication i told them i did not. they were very angry at what i had done. i thought that it was because the medication was actually cyanide and that they wanted to kill me because i was crazy. i hit my father across the head with a vase and punched my mother in the face. then i ran away to a hiding place in the park. i was apprehended by the police and sent back home. my father was very angry and my mother was crying. they sent me to a psychiatric hospital. when i was in the hospital i met a boy named ralph. ralph was very excited and energetic. he had been sent there the same day also. ralph was very defiant. whenever the nurse tried to give him medication he threw the paper cup back at her. he also screamed nonstop until the orderlies gave him morphine. he and i talked alot. he told me about how nice it was back at his house and how he could do whatever he wanted. one night some of he friends broke in and got him out. they also helped me escape too. they took me back to ralph's house. ralph showed me the equipment in his basement. this was used for making crystal meth. he gave me some crystal meth and i began using it normally. i enjoyed the energy it gave me. it made me feel like i could live forever and not need to eat or drink. a few months later, ralph's house burned down. his meth lab in the basement caught on fire. after that we had to live on the streets. we stole from stores or robbed people to get meth. on my 19th birhtday i was shot and killed by a police officer. he was responding to the 911 call made my a little girl in a house i was robbing. He hit me two times in the chest. before i died i thought about how much my parents cared about me and how much i missed them. i thought about how sorry i was for doing meth and getting myself into this situation. i thought about what i would do if i could go back and live my life differently. sometimes its too late.

Monday, April 28, 2008

sundress in the rain

i am not a toilet, so i will just stop taking shit from everyone. they say i am a genius, they should know that i have sense enough to govern myself. if you can't change someone's ways when they're 8 years old, you certainly can't break the ideals and beliefs of a sixteen year old by reprimand. its just a waste of everyone's time, which is dreadful because there are bigger problems to worry about.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


so my mother was trying to make small talk in the car today after i finished the work for my grandmother that i was under the influence i was being paid to do. she asked if i still talk to "kate" the girl who "moved to middletown or somewhere down there". i replied the standard "yes" as i do to most questions she asks. in all reality she hasn't talked to me in over a year, doesn't plan on talking to me for twice as long, and would rather not talk to me for an eternity. its depressing when i think about how going to canada and growing weed was a life plan. thats possibly the only promising career i ever may have had.

....and you people thought apathy fell from the goddamn sky.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Snack Hat

My dad is cool, he understands things. he also understands that i understand things, too. even though we do not believe in the same things, we still accept one another. i feel i shall create my own reality now.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

irish storyteller

there was once a man whom had no luck
everytime he shaved, he would cut himself badly
everytime he went to get in the bathtub, the phone would ring
and by the time he had gotten out to get the phone, the other person had hung up
so one day he said to himself "i shall go find god, and ask him why my luck is so bad, and what i should do about it"
so he started walking
and he walked and walked and walked
then sat down and got a drink from a well
and he heard a moaning sound from behind him
so he looked over to find a wolf. the wolf asked the man "where are you going?"
the man replied "i am going to find god, to ask him why my luck is so bad and how i can fix it"
the wolf said "oh, if you could ask him for my why my stomach hurts and what i could do about it, then tell me, i will be very greatful"
so the man said "very well" and continued along his way, and walked and walked and walked
he then reached an old apple tree and picked a few apples to eat
then he heard a moaning agian, but looked behind him to find noone.
once mor he heard the moaning and he looked up at the tree and the tree was moaning
the tree asked him "where are you going?"
the man said "i am going to ask god why my luck is so bad, and what i can do to fix it"
and the tree said "oh, could you ask him why my roots hurt, and what i could do to fix it?"
the man said "yes, i will do that for you" and continued on his way
then he stopped at a cabin and heard a wailing from inside
he knocked on the door and the most beautiful girl he had ever seen opened the door. she asked him where he was going and he said "i am going to find god and ask him why my luck is so bad and how to fix it"
the young woman told him "if you do find god, could you ask him why i am sad and cry so very often?" the man told her he would do that and off he went
the man walked and walked and walked
into the wilderness, through coudersport pensylvania and a few miles past that to the end of the earth
and he called out "GOD?! ARE YOU THERE??"
and god replied "what do you want?"
and the man asked why he had such terrible luck and god told him
"you do not have terrible luck, you just need to find your grand luck"
he also asked the questions for the tree the woman and the wolf and got all their answers
so he began walking back and made his way to the cabin with the young misstress
and he told her "god said that you are sad all the time because you are lonely, and that you should marry"
the woman said "ah, well i have seldom met a man living here in coudersport and all, and i find you very handsome. i have enough money for us both to live nicely off of. would you marry me?"
and the man told her "oh no, i have to go out and find my good luck"
so he went off back to the tree, and the tree asked if he had found god, and he said yes, and told the tree
"the reason your roots hurt is because you were planted on top of a great treasure, and you should remove it so that you can grow further'
and the tree asked him "would you like to dig the treasure out for me? i have no hands, and if you did you could keep it for yourself, because i have no use for money"
and the man said "certainly not, i have to go out and find my good luck" and he left the tree behind to continue his journey
finally he reached the well, and talked to the wolf "god said the reason your stomach hurts is because you are hungry. and that you should eat the next fool you come across"
and with that the wolf gobbled the man up,
the end

Saturday, April 12, 2008

i think i will become a hermit

i cannot trust or rely on anybody but myself. then there are people that just being around them bums me out. they are dissatisfied with their lives and they seem to bring you down with them. So you go to the people you normally seek solace in every night, and they tell you to fuck off, also "you are doing ecstasy. is it wrong to be concerned with your wellbeing?" Its not that i tell them not to, its that they seem to think that my feelings are important. Sometimes i wish the people i really gave a shit about would give it back.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


i remember when i was a young lad and my parents would take the whole family to the lake.
and we would spend a week out there for my birthday.
i remember how they would get me a cake and a tshirt that had the same cartoon character on it as the cake.
then my pop pop would take me out on the dock with him.
and we would fish for sunpike or whatever the hell.
the ones that i managed to get off my hook would go in a bucket and i would stare at them until the sun went down and we threw them back into the murky waters that we got them from.
it reminds me of when everyone was happy and nobody ever had any problems.
i miss being a child.

so few people actually make me happy, and even less are the ones that i can spend time with whenever i wish.
i want to be a little kid again.