Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year

I found out that its my PARENTS that make me less excited about things!! And to all a goodnight!

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Reality Televison

After months of research and intense expirimental studies, we have reached a final conclusion. Reality TV destroys cerebrial tissue and causes irreversable brain damage. Shows like Tila Tequila, The Real World, Laguna Beach, and I Love New York have incridibly high amounts of radiation emmissions from whatever television they are watched on. There is also evidence that supports the shows are causing toxic waste vapours to seep up through the ground in the homes of all those which there is prolonged watching of Reality TV. The dangers of watching Reality TV are unparalleled. Are you unconvinced? Look at the people who watch VH1 on a regular basis. You'll notice some alarming trends. Not only do these people care about themselves too much, they only care about the trivial things of others. You may see how they also seem to obey and follow whatever the majour celebrities are doing. My colleagues and I are convinced that Reality TV also has some capacity of mind control, though more evidence is needed to verify.

This is Research Lab Couder. Doctor Ben Elliott, signing out.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

I apologize...

for being an asshole to you, it is simply my way of saying that I'm afraid to get too close to you....

The Holidays...

are a time where my drunkles come over and hang out with my dad, leaving me and their booze to have a good time. I'm rather fond of Jack and Coke now. :D

Monday, December 24, 2007

Up on the rooftop, Click, Click, Cick...

Santa Clause does not exist!

HO! HO! HO! you shoulda known!

Friday, December 21, 2007

crailslide this...

So it is required that all students make an informative pamphlet on the reproductive system... bleh. I'm doing the female one just so I don't hafta draw a picture of a dick. But really, why the hell do we need to do this?? Most everyone is repulsed by it, anyways. Personally, it should be removed from the curriculum. But thats just me.

And they found them,
Two eleven year olds.
In the dumpster,
Humping, Humping, Humping...

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

the termihe, et mah hows up!

My dad called me a fuckup, because i'm failing four classes. Its not like I try to fail, but it seems to happen. I'm not giving it my all, but I'm trying some atleast. I just have a hard time listening to my parents tell me how to live when they aren't doing such a hot job themselves.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Is it worth it?

So my parents drug me to the fucking elmira mall today, and told me that I could do my homework (which I was actually in the mood to do) later. They said that I didn't have any christmas spirit and they wanted me to be cheery. They also want me back on my medication because I'm so apathetic. Its really their fault more than anything, and there's no way in hell I'm taking that shit again. So is it worth it to live a hindered life for the sake of others?

Friday, December 14, 2007

Cold-Hearted Bastard

Lite Bright "you're so... cold!"

Ken Welsh "thats cold, Ben"

Brooke Harper "you have a cold heart!"

Heather "whats wrong with you!? you're so cold!!"

Cashier Lady "well aren't you cold!"

Everybody knows its true. By age 16 it should be obvious. My evil genes are up and active. They all see it, can you?

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Story of Impacted Molars

So Dr Black says that there are actually FIVE teeth in my mouth that are impacted and need removed. It'll be 330 bucks apeice, plus the 50 that laughing gas costs. and our insurance doesn't cover impacted anything. I seriously wonder why my parents put up with this shit, half of their >$20K income is spent on us kids. But above all, there will be NO little Benjos! I seriously couldn't afford the costs of them having such fucked up teeth.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

bah humbug

I hate having to go get a tree and get shanked my numerous little spines.
I hate having to decorate for my parents when I don't want to even have decorations.
I hate singing snowmen that bounce around and make jolly at undesignated intervals.
I hate having to put up with everyones menial bullshit during the "holidays".
I hate how people get extremely upbeat and cheery ONLY during the "holidays".
I hate how people find it excusable to be a nice person only during the "holidays".
I hate jazzy christmas music, played at all times of the day by my mother.
I hate when I get bitched at for turning of said music when my parents go toke.
I hate political correctness.
I hate manger scenes.
I hate carollers.
I hate santas.

Thankfully, it only happens once a year.

Saturday, December 8, 2007



"no, but the ground is"

"THIS is a floor! there is a ROOF over your head!!"

"THIS is a gazebo, and moreover this is PUBLIC property."


"what little kids? are you high??"


"eh, i'm fisnished smoking anyway"

Thursday, December 6, 2007


KIDDO i have yet to draw you a picture of a unicorn!

KT we have to play chess sometime!

Christa this is for you

anybody i need to know two things, what is the word for flying grossness?
and do you keep your title (Attilla the Hun, Benjo the Adorable, ect) after you've been married?

Sunday, December 2, 2007

*sigh* -__-

today i find out that my best friend is getting married. i wasn't even told of this event in person. is anybody as averse to this as i am??

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


So today I found out that there's a tooth underneath my nose that was just discovered. For one reason or another, my body thought that it needs a narwhal tooth.(maybe to make up for the molar it never gave me) But whats really spectacular is that it only started growing in the past few months. I am required to visit my freindly neighborhood oral surgeon to make sure that my horn grows in proper like. And if it needs removing, then that will be FIVE bone shards ripped from my skull. "Theis mouth ain't big enough fir the both ev us!!" If it really does grow into a fucking spike jabbing from my upper jaw, you guys can play ringtoss with it.

Saturday, November 24, 2007


Dear Friends,
I'd like to thank ye for putting up with my shit, dealing with my immature humour, and letting me be myself without telling me that its seriously annoying. I realize all the fucked up things I do (eating people's food, coming to people's houses unannounced, harassing people for trivial things for the sake of argument) are not helpful at all to anybody. Among other things, my lack of motivation keeps me from achiving much anything at all, and the little intrest I show in things that are actually important to me is also befuddling. My deepest respects to those who have the balls to power though my shenanigans.


Oh, but don't think this means I'm gonna grow up anytime soon.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Its Late

But nobody really cares. I am thankful that I don't have TB, because coughing up blood is seriously terrifying. What are YOU thankful for?

Monday, November 19, 2007

Smile If You're GAY

My mommo tried to cut my fingers off in the car window, and then I finished this picture of the weird lady who was yelling at me in my dream. Its one of the few artworks I have that I am satisfied with for the most part, check it out at my deviant art. (link to the left for you slowpokes)

Thursday, November 15, 2007


I do not, nor have a ever, been convinced my parents have the proper credentials to raise me. They can't raise me properly, they can't raise me poorly either, they are completely unable to raise me. They smoke weed three times a day, drink rather heavily, and are both so old that they could easily be my grandparents. I would feel safer if i could be in charge of my own life, instead it is in the hands of two incompitant old people. they shouldn't be telling me how to live my life when they aren't doing a very hot job themselves. And they've also managed to make everything less fun for me by ruining any and all excitement that ever existed in me. I am becoming more and more conviced that I truely and deeply hate them. There is only room for one true sith, and i am he.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

sad faced

Do you know what blows the big one?

Thats right you dirty miserable fuck, its snow.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Stingy Jack...

was a blacksmith. He was also a crotchety old drunk who loved playing tricks and being decietful at every turn. Everyday on his way to the forge, he'd steal a turnip or two from the local vendor's cart. At work he often fooled squires with wooden swords when they came to get a knight's new blade. He even enjoyed scaring the life out of his own, poorly mother.

Then one Halloween, at the local pub, jack saw him. Satan himself, cloved hooves and all, he sat down and had a pipe while they chatted about tricks and jokes and other devilish mischief, when Jack had a brilliant idea. Not liking much to give up his hard earned pay, and being the clever fellow he was, he told Lucifer, "Say there chum, whats say ye be payin fer me pints?" Satan replied "Not unless you've got something to give me in trade." Jack stated "Well then.... How's about me soul?" Satan, thrown about, immediately accepted. He turned himself into a sixpence so jack could pay for the ale. But instead of giving the coin to the barkeep, he thrust it immediately into his pocket, where he had a silver cross he had stolen from a customer earlier that day.

Satan, in the presence of the holy cross, could not change back. And being a coin, he couldn't go anywhere. Completely stuck, he cried out "WHAT IS THIS? LET ME GO!!" Jack, using the advantage he created said "Alrigty then! BUT, under one condition" Satan plead "Anything! Just name it!" "I don't want to be dien' for another TEN years!" Satan, knowing things could be worse, accepted. Jack removed him from his pocket and he changed back. Jack dashed away into the night, without paying for his drinks either. But satan was a man of his word, and he kept Jack's actions in mind.

Jack went on living the same life he was living, tricking his fellow villagers, startling his mother senseless, and stealing turnips from the same vendor day after day. Ten years passed, and Jack remembered his deal with the devil. He started carrying around several crosses, just in case. Then Satan came to him on his way home from the village.

"Greetings Jack! You've not forgotten of our deal have you?" Jack tried to play dumb "Oh, what was be it then?" "I know those lies! Come with me, you're time is up and you're going to Hell!" Jack, thinking quickly and remembering his satchelful of holy icons said "Aye, so be it. You wouldn't mind gettin' me an apple from that theer tree for the trip duwn then?" pointing to his neighbor's tree across the way "I'm hungry sumthin narshtey!" Satan, figureing he'd just get an apple down from the tree and be on his way with Jack's soul. But as soon as he neared the boughs, there were crosses scattered all around the trunk of the tree, courtesy of Jack.

"I'm no fool to this trickery!" Satan bellowed "what you want, you'll have... soon as you promise to let me down!" Jack knew he lead a terrible life, and his sults and tight-fisted behaviour would certainly land him in the firey pits so he said "Thats what I be thinkin! see here, I don't ever want to go to hell. Understand?" Satan had no choice to agree, and begrudgingly accepted Jack's offer. Having made a second deal with the Prince of Evil himself, Jack trod home happily knowing that he'd never go to Hell.

Four years passed, and so did Jack. He enjoyed his sport until the night he passed. However he was suprised when he reached Saint Peter at the gates. "ahh, Jack. Stingy Jack amongst those who know your trickery. That trickery and mean spiritedness is not accepted in heaven, I'm afraid" And he was booted down to Hell. But, when he was greeted angrily by Satan, he was in for worse news. "STINGY Jack, you know the deal we made, and I'm not going to let you in Hell." "But won't ye?!" Jack begged "I've too dark a soul fer heaven! Where else am I supposed te go?"
"BACK THE WAY YOU CAME!" Satan said angrily. The way back was pitch black, and the winds blew a terrible icy cold. "Can't I atleast have a lantern to light the way??" And so Satan cast him one of the firey embers that he had meant for Jack ever since he stuck Satan in his pocket. He hollowed out a turnip and placed the ember it in, as a makeshift latern. His way through purgatory is dimly lit with Hell's own flames. Now you know the story of Jack of the Lantern.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


i've only got ONE F now, so that means i get to do whatever the fuck i want.... oh, and i'm not grounded no more, either. BITCH YEAH!!!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

ok kids....

TWENTY cool points to anyone who can correctly identify why today is so important. Two guess maximum, lets get at it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Career Day

"Hello children, I'm Mr. E, and I'm a vagabond"

"Whats a faggabahd do???"

"Good question you little prick! A VAGABOND is someone who wanders around aimlessly and who has no home"

"Howjoo becum a vaggabutt??"

"Its easy you shitstain! You don't have to do anything at all, if your parents aren't really cool with you or you have no friends then you're really prepared for the job"

"You smell funny!"

"Hey, FUCK YOU!!"


"Bite my left one, you cunt"

"yeah cunt!"

"heheheh, good one kiddo, I'll see you on the streets in a few years"

Sunday, October 14, 2007

you are a failure

is having bad grades some sort of terrible sin? apparently, because it made my mother cry when i said i didn't care that i was failing. then she wanted me to take the medication that i've been living fine without for three or four months now. either way, i'm going to hell.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

what the hell??

"did you fuck my wife?"

"what the hell??!"

"did you fuck my wife?"

"what the fuck are you talking about?!?"

Can someone help me out here?
Do i look like the a-typical wife-fucker?
Do i look like a wife-fucker at all!??

Friday, October 5, 2007



...imagine the possibilities...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007


Nobody wants to argue with me anymore. There aren't even that many people who I can fight with that won't get teary eyed or walk away. I also got this sickly purple and green bruise on the inside of my knee trying to do a fingerflip. At first i fell on the ground and thought that my knee was broken, but everythings fine I just can't walk. (so nothing is really fine)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Horrible Jokes

how many babies does it take to paint a barn? depends on how hard you throw them.

what's the difference between a mercades and a porsche? Di wouldn't be seen dead in a porsche.

what does the royal car turn into at midnight? the tunnel wall.

why can't helen keller drive? Because, she's a woman.

why does helen keller masturbate with one hand? because she has to moan with the other.

thats all, i feel like a bad enough person now.

Monday, September 17, 2007


i'm failing two classes, so i'm grounded. don't expect any posts for atleast two weeks.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Luck IS my skill

I won a sweatshirt from a raffle I entered out of a feeling of obligation. I was able to effectively infiltrate enemy territory, obtain secret information, piss in their coffee and make it out alive. In other news, all the kiddos and groms think The Grizz should make a sponsor me tape. Why do good things always happen to me?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


"so when are you gonna get a haircut??"


"so you're just gonna let it grow forever?"

"pretty much"

"be a hippie and dye it rainbow?"


Friday, September 7, 2007

Internort peepuh

I can honestly admit that I have seen atleast half of these things.

Thursday, September 6, 2007


You know what sucks? Prolly not, so I'll tell you. BRACES!!! I don't want these fucking things anymore!! My teeth were crooked, now they aren't. Problem solved. I don't need queer little wires and brackets obstructing my teeth and getting in the way of everything all the time. The luck someone what can get them off for me will have a crisp five dollar bill in their hand.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007


Sooooooooo...... what do you think about a sensless post thats just here to make terrible jokes about a terrible movie for gay hi-fi (historical fiction) who like to watch meatheads in speedos fight monsters??

Sunday, September 2, 2007


Wanna see something unrelentingly bitchin?? This is the same way I was born.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


guess who has no friends and has nobody cool in any of his classes at school. I'll give you a hint, he also has a gay kid in his gym class..... still nothing? one more hint,
ITS MEE!!! >__<

Saturday, August 25, 2007

what's that smell???

It smells like... back to school v___v I should be happy, because I have a huge blank spot in my schedule. But this is the year that "really counts" or so they say as they give me my perscription slip and say "I know you can do it, go get em tiger!" Its also the year to "start looking at colleges" Yep. Thats right. The colleges I'm not gonna go to. Why is so much expected of me??? Is it a sin to have free will?? Doesn't matter, because god doesn't exist, the bible is a terrible coordinated lie, christians are all going to hell, and I REFUSE to die. I'll walk around until my legs fall off. And when they do, I'll walk some more. I'll drink and smoke and make the little maggots in my digestive tract happy. I am not going to be a lawyer. I am not going to be a doctor. I WILL not be a doctor. There are two options to me, and one is clear. That option is LIFE. There is no burden big enough that I can't handle it, resolve it, or pass it off to someone else. The one thing I want from life is to be happy, and there are no means that I will not go to so that I can be happy. People spend their life with the same dull job, same over-mortgaged house, same brokendown car, and the same cheating spouse. Instead of working for the good of mankind, bending wires into paperclips or something, I shall work for one person, MYSELF.

In other news, the page check has reached the 200's, and it looks like there isn't a single vulgarity in this entire post. FUCK DAMN, THAT BULLSHIT AIN'T COOL..... CUNT.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

ha ha ha ha ha

Mr. Rick Johns had just arrived at the hotel in Florida. Mrs. Suzzane Johns was back home in chicago, she was still working, but her husband had gotten off on Christmas Vacation the day before. This was her last day in the office, and she was planning on flying down to vacation with Rick. Mr. Johns was looking forward to this vacation, as it was long overdue. He decided to send Suzanne a text messege, to let her know everything was ok. However, he accidentally typed the wrong number to his wife's new phone....

Mrs. Gertrude Johns, a VERY recently widowed woman in Shelby, Ohio was still getting over her husband, Mr. Robert Johns' death. He had died only yesterday, and the shock of everything was overwhelming. As the minister of the catholic church, he was part of all the organized Christmas celebrations. Caroling, Sermons, and the ever prevailent "birth of baby jesus" play were all resting on her shoulders now. Suddenly her daughter screamed downstairs "MOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!" she rushed downstairs as quickly as she could. She handed her mother her cellphone and cried "R-READ IT!" Gertrude read it and fainted.

She had recieved a text messege from R-JOHNS that read. "hey honey, i arrived safely. its really hot down here. hope to see you soon!!"


Sunday, August 19, 2007

back to school

Clothing Recently Aquired:

2 x Toy Machine Shirts
1 x Pair of Volcom Jeans
2 x Pair RUCA Jeans
2 x Pair Ambiguous Jeans
1 x Anti-Smoking Shirt (courtesy of Katie-sama)
1 x CCS Ledge II Courds (in forrest green)
16 x Pair Ankle Socks (Thanks, mom)
12-1/2 x Pair Underoos (don't ask)

Tricks Recently Added to the Bag:

Switch 180 (front and backside)
Varial Heelflip
Frontside 270-Pivot
(The Nollie and Fakie variations of all said tricks)

Excuses Used as of Late:
Its giving me cancer
It was fucking my wife
I had better things to waste time on
There are starving children overseas

"I quit my job, it was giving me cancer"
"I threw that CD away, it was fucking my wife"
"The reason I don't come over here anymore is because I have better things to waste time on"
"I'm not going to fuck you, there are starving children overseas"


Monday, August 13, 2007


Truth be told, its ok that I'm going to canada for my birthday. Its something my parents want to do and gives me a chance to spend time with them. I still wanna do shit like run around in the halls and play outside on the balcony in the hotel, though. Its MY birthday, and I'll eat junkfood from the vending machines what they have up there by the icemachines. And I'm only gonna pack one bag, the "what you can carry on your back" rule applies on all my trips.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

guess who is not having a birthday, nor recieving any sort of special treatment on their special day. i will give you a hint, then answer is ME >:(

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I prefer a much more original tactic

Friday, August 3, 2007


Jesus! 115 hits! You guys must really be retarded to come back THAT many times. I haven't posted in awhile, because I haven't been in much of an artistic mood. My birthday is in less than two weeks. Originally that was the set date, but I'm too lazy to follow through and it would just be too big a mess. So that idea with pitched. Hopefully I'll try and find some other event that is far enough away to give me time to decide what to do and maybe get less people to give a fuck. This post wasn't very funny, so you should've listened to the title and fucked off.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

i was here.. to like...... help.... with school.. n stuff

Hi, I'm Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC. How about you take a seat over there.....
at this point, the only thing the men see is their life going down the drain. I understand the purpose of the show is to "CATCH A PREDETOR!!" but the decoies are pretty inticing, and from what I can tell, the seem to act like they WANT sex. It seems like some sort of entrapment, if you ask me. But more importantly, are the people who watch the damn thing! Only old people who think the world is going to hell and perverts watch that show. Its like a little suppressant for them "Golly-gee! I sure am glad i didn't go over to Sally's house while her parents were out!" THEN, they talk about what the guys say to the girl, which satisfies the fuckers sick desires and fantasies. The shit they try and pull off is pretty jacked, too. "um.... we were just gonna talk.... really" Yeah, man, sure. Try saying something like "no no, I just came to read the labels" next time you get caught trying to steal groceries.....

narsty bastard

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

"We don't need two people doing the same job..."

They call it downsizing, I call it getting FIRED!! WOOOOOOO!!!! Never again will I be required to wake up before noon. No longer shall the rancid stench of overly pungent food-items make me gag in disgust. All the bitching, whining, scolding, and moaning are a thing of the past. Today, I raise my hands in glorious jubilee, and sing loudly to the world "Free at last, Free at last, Thank God Almight, I am free at last!" It is OK that you don't feel the same way about me leaving. Yes, my presence does make the workplace so much more light-hearted and relaxed, but you fired me. You caved. You gave in first, and while I claimed victory and the proof that I am the more powerful. Thank you for letting me carry out a job at the second street roost. It wasn't too dreadful an experience. Maybe someday we'll meet again in Hell. Until then.....

Oh, and fifty is a pretty big number. What, did one of you come back 49 times in a row?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I'm Lost...

OK, can somebody tell me people name their myspace after their current love-affair? I mean, "she takes my breath away" and the like are BARELY acceptable. But "mary loves jorge" or "(insert your name here) loves (insert other persons name here)" if you will. Not just because its sappy and pathetic, but because NO ONE GIVES A FUCK!!! Teenage hormones and "true love" are no excuse for such ridiculous things. Look back on that name three years from now. Do you still think thats a good name? Do you still love (insert other person's name here)? Are you going to marry them, like you wanted to back then? My guess is no, three times over. Or even worse, those skanks who change just the last part every every three days when they get a new "boyfriend". Thats called SEX, aight? Jesus whore. Oh, and if someone can help me with all this 14 year olds dating 18 year olds , which i'm seeing quite alot (ie my sister) that would be super terrific, thanks blogger people :P

In other news, the counter hit dub-digits. That means its time for a party.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Behold, my terrible artistic prowess.

Sometimes I wear my headphones so people will think I am listening to music and can't hear them. That way they won't try and talk to me.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

No Title

So I bought a new board with the $77 dollar paycheck i got. After it was all set up I realized how much my old one sucked. It was water-logged and the bearings were rusty and the wheels had a strange yellowish colour. The wheels were also flatspotted, so it was like riding on square wheels. But i got some pig wheels now, and they're so smooth i could powerslide a good six or seven feet easy. But then it was time for a test-run. Things were going real nice until I tried a nollieflip and smashed my elbow into the ground. I didn't think it was a big deal until i saw that there was two buckshot smashed into it. I got the one out, but the other one is still stuck in there. Maybe if I'm lucky it won't poison me and it'll be like shrapnel. There's always a good war-story behind a shrapnel scar. In other news it is the fourth of july and the only wound i sustained was not firework related (HELL YES) But I think one of the neighbor kids blew his hand up. Go figure.

Monday, July 2, 2007

if you shouldn't roll doughnuts down a hill then why are they round?

My mommy said that i HAVE to go to college, and if i don't she will SHUN me for life and not send birthday money to the grandkids she is never going to have. She said i could major in "ART" or "PHILOSOPHY" but i said that i will major in "GETTING A COOL JOB" because i want to have a cool job and if i am going to spend $80,000 on college i better damn well get a cool job. Come to think of it, i better get a fucking awesome job for that kind of dough! There are other things that i want to major in, but they do not have classes for Hoboken, Mooch, Ladies man, or Criminal. I also said that i could get a job throwing things, which i am pretty good at. And if i threw deadly things, people would just give me money. The same way muggers and thiefs get paid. Also, if i had a criminalistic job i could get paid in weed < that is probably one of the best ways to get your paycheck; But if she doesn't like that i'm not going to college then i'll lob a toaster oven at her.

Saturday, June 30, 2007


Ok, for the sake of simply having a post i'm pulling this one out my ass. Uhhhhhhh..... the President. I am using the internets to express my ideas in the Blogesphere (if thats how you spell it, because i doubt its even a word) to all you 'Mericans out there in TV Land. Personally, I don't want someone who can't say "nuclear power" or even pronounce the letter "W" correctly. You know who I would want for a president? Yep, i doubt you guessed it...
Barbie! TM Not only is she clever enough to have ten different boyfriends who buy her all sorts of sportscars and mansions, she's also fucking stacked! And we have yet to see a woman in office, so there's another reason. AND, Barbie! TM has excellent foriegn relations. Because if you invade a country, your chances of being able to shop there again are slim to none. And with ten P-whipped guys to turn to, you don't even need to steal an identity. They'll give you all the money in their bank accounts if it gets alittle ass from Barbie! TM. That seems to be sufficent enough for a first post. Please refer back, as there will certainly be funny-ness in the future. * i put the TM after your name, so please don't sue my ass Barbie!